Dealing with Unruly Children
1817: "Another minute brought another addition. The younger boy, a remarkably stout, forward child, of two years old, having got the door opened for him by some one without, made his determined appearance before them, and went straight to the sofa to see what was going on, and put in his claim to anything good that might be giving away.
"There being nothing to be eat, he could only have some play; and as his aunt would not let him tease his sick brother, he began to fasten himself upon her, as she knelt, in such a way that, busy as she was about Charles, she could not shake him off. She spoke to him, ordered, intreated, and insisted in vain. Once did she contrive to push him away, but the boy had the greater pleasure in getting upon her back again directly....
"In another moment, however, she found herself in the state of being released from him; some one was taking him from her, though he had bent down her head so much, that his sturdy little hands were unfastened from around her neck, and he was resolutely borne away, before she knew that Captain Wentworth had done it."
1999: "Before I'd got up again someone started smacking my bottom.
"I turned round--thinking, I confess, maybe Mark Darcy!--to see Woney's son William and his friend, giggling evilly.
"'Do it again,' said William and his small friend started smacking again. Tried to get up but William--who's about six and big for his age--launched himself on to my back and wrested his arms around my neck.
"'Stoppit, William,' I said with an attempt at authority but at that moment there was a commotion at the other side of the garden...William was still clinging tight to my back and the boy was still smacking my bottom and shrieking with Exorcist-style laughter. I tried to get William off, but he was surprisingly strong and clung on. My back was really hurting.
"Then suddenly William's arms were released from round my neck. I felt him being lifted away and then the smacking stopped. For a moment I just hung my head, trying to get my breath back and recover my composure. Then I turned to see Mark Darcy walking away with a writhing six-year-old under each arm."
Dealing with Headstrong Young Women
1817: "There was too much wind to make the high part of the new Cobb pleasant for the ladies, and they agreed to get down the steps to the lower, and all were contented to pass quietly and carefully down the steep flight, excepting Louisa; she must be jumped down them by Captain Wentworth. In all their walks he had had to jump her from the stiles; the sensation was delightful to her. The hardness of the pavement for her feet made him less willing upon the present occasion; he did it, however. She was safely down, and instantly, to show her enjoyment, ran up the steps to be jumped down again. He advised her against it, thought the jar too great; but no, he reasoned and talked in vain, she smiled and said, 'I am determined I will:" he put out his hands; she was too precipitate by half a second, she fell on the pavement on the Lower Cobb, and was taken up lifeless! There was no wound, no blood, no visible bruise; but her eyes were closed, she breathed not, her face was like death. The horror of that moment to all who stood around!
"Captain Wentworth, who had caught her up, knelt with her in his arms, looking on her with a face as pallid as her own in an agony of silence. 'She is dead! She is dead!' screamed Mary, catching hold of her husband, and contributing with his own horror to make him immovable; and in another moment, Henrietta, sinking under the conviction, lost her senses too, and would have fallen on the steps but for Captain Benwick and Anne, who caught and supported her between them.
"'Is there no one to help me?' were the first words which burst from Captain Wentworth, in a tone of despair, as if all his own strength were gone.
"'Go to him, go to him,' cried Anne, 'for heaven's sake, go to him. I can support her myself. Leave me, and go to him. Rub her hands, rub her temples; here are salts: take them, take them.'
"Captain Benwick obeyed, and Charles at the same moment disengaging himself from his wife, they were both with him; and Louisa was raised up and supported more firmly between them, and everything was done that Anne had prompted, but in vain; while Captain Wentworth, staggering against the wall for support, exclaimed in the bitterest agony:
"'Oh God! her father and mother!'
"'A surgeon!' said Anne."
1999: "Rebecca suddenly leaped to her feet. 'I'm going to jump off the bridge!'
"'Why?' said Mark....
"'We used to do it when we were little! It's heaven!'
"'But the water's very low,' said Mark.
"It was true, there was a foot and a half of baked earth all the way round the waterline.
"'No, no. I'm good at this, I'm very brave....I have made up my mind. I am resolute!' she twinkled archly, slipped on a pair of Prada mules, and sashayed off towards the bridge....
"Mark had got to his feet, looking worriedly at the water and up at the bridge.
"'Rebecca!' he said. 'I really don't think...'
"'It's all right, I trust my own judgment,' she said playfully, tossing her hair. Then she looked upwards, raised her arms, paused dramatically and jumped.
"Everyone stared as she hit the water. The moment came when she should have reappeared. She didn't. Mark started towards the lake just as she broke the surface screaming.
"He ploughed off towards her as did the other two boys. I reached in the bag for my mobile.
"They pulled her to the shallows and eventually, after muhc writhing and crying, Rebecca came limping to shore, supported between Mark and Nigel. It was clear that nothing too terrible could have happened.
"I got up and handed her my towel. 'Shall I dial 999?' I said as a sort of joke."
Dealing with Women Persuaded by their Friends
1817: "'What! would I be turned back from doing a thing that I had determined to do, and that I knew to be right, by the airs and interference of such a person, or of any persons, I may say? No, I have no idea of being so easily persuaded. When I have made up my mind, I have made it.'"
1999: "There was silence, then Mark burst out again.
"'This self-help book nonsense--all these mythical rules of conduct you're presumed to be following. ANd you just know every move you make is being dissected by a committee of girlfriends according to some breathtakingly arbitrary code made up of Buddhism Today, Venus and Buddha Have a Shag, and the Koran. You end up feeling like some laboratory mouse with an ear on its back!'"
"...But Rebecca was off on one again. 'Oh, I quite agree,' she gushed. 'I have no time for all that stuff. If I decide I love someone then nothing will stand in my way. Nothing. Not friends, not theories. I just follow my instincts, follow my heart.'"
Dealing with a Breakup
1816: "All the privilege I claim for my own sex* (and it is not a very enviable one: you need not covet it), is that of loving longest, when existence or when hope is gone!"
1999: "In fact if we* love someone it's pretty hard to get them out of our system when they bugger off."
*female
* * *
Excerpts from Persuasion (Jane Austen, 1817) and Bridget Jones: the Edge of Reason (Helen Fielding, 1999). One wonders if T.S. Eliot had any idea that his words could be applied this way when he wrote Tradition and the Individual Talent.
