Rachel's Murder Mystery Party
By Ricardo Rodolfo Rafael Sunico
With a few edits and the rough plot by me, written over the course of December 2004. This was performed only once on January 6, 2005, at Villa Barbara in Pasig, for Reitch's birthday. We miss you, Ricky.
It is the 1930’s. Lady Shirley is throwing a party at her French country home to celebrate her forthcoming engagement to her fiancé, Ronaldo.
Cast of Characters
Lady Shirley Montague-Ashcroft (Shirley)
The 16th Duchess of Allsbury. She is a wealthy woman in her forties. She is a patroness of the arts and sciences hence her new boyfriend. She is also the owner of the fabulous, Allsbury diamond necklace. Childless, she had previously written a will that named a variety of people and institutions as beneficiaries. However, this about to change as her new boyfriend will be named the sole heir and beneficiary of her will.
The suspects:
Ronaldo, the boyfriend (Roni)
A young Italian bohemian artist with a taste for the good life, women and gambling.
Jane, the niece
A sweet young thing whose main interest is milking her Aunt for everything she’s got. She is trying to protect her interests by flirting with Ronaldo. (This part was eventually written out and replaced by Gabriell Montague.)
Gabrielle Montague, the Niece (Gabe)
Lady Shirley’s Ward, she is the daughter of the Lady fourth cousin once removed then returned. She is currently listed fourth in her will after Rajiv, Gabby and the Dickie, but that will change. Chatty and flirty to a fault.
The servants
Rajiv Singh, the butler (Paul)
The Indian Butler, probably mid-40s of age. A loyal Sikh butler for twenty years. He is responsible for her Lady’s continued wealth due to advice he gave her in 1929. His position in the household has been threatened by the arrival of the boyfriend.
Nathalie, the maid (Rej)
The flirty French maid also a minor beneficiary of her Lady’s will but a major love interest on the side with Ronaldo.
Dickie Swinton-Toadwart, the banker (Ricky)
Her Ladyship’s personal investment banker and not a good one. Her Ladyship ignored his advice to invest in the American stock market in 1929. He is also threatened by the appearance of the new boyfriend in his efforts to secure greater control of her Ladyship's money.
Dr. Angela Espin, The scientist (Chiqui)
One of the world’s great experts in Latin American flora. She is also a student of the various warlike tribes in the Amazon. Lady is a patroness of the sciences and has previously given research grants to fund Dr. Espin’s Amazonian studies, but these grants are slowly being reduced with the new boy in town. The scientist also runs the estate’s hothouse that is home to a variety of plants both beautiful and lethal. Secretly Dr. Espin is extracting poisons from plants in the hothouse for British Intelligence.
Leica Von Pal, the random anarchist (Leica)
A member of the infamous Bladder-Menthos anarchist gang being hunted by the Sûreté and Scotland Yard among others. She has gotten wind of her Ladyship's support for Espin’s poison research. She has psychotic fears that the poison could be used to kill her gang by the Sûreté.
Others
Inspector Jacques Closet-Closeau , The Detective (Oneal)
France’s luckiest detective not the best but the luckiest.
Detective Thomas La Fleur, His Assistant (Rain)
His loyal and unimaginative assistant.
The Plot
The cocktail party will be held in the dining room
The players will be mingling with the guests. We will see Shirley with her jewelry chatting with guests and with Ronaldo in tow.
Lights out.
Lights on
Lady Shirley is unconscious in an easy chair. A document is in her hand
Technically she died in her private office.
Banker Dickie Lifts her hand and lets it drop.
Dickie: I say, Somebody call the Gendarmes!
Enter the detective
Inspector Closet-Closeau accompanied by the assistant.
C-C: Nobody move there’s been a muuuurder in the House. I am Inspector Jacque Closet-Closeau from the Sûreté and this is Detective Thomas La Fleur my assistant.
Ronaldo: Are you sure about the murder? Maybe she’s taking a nap?
Rajiv looks with disdain at Ronaldo.
Rajiv: I don’t think so. Her Ladyship just woke up from her nap.
Nathalie: Oui Oui, I just gave her Ladyship a cup of tea.
C-C: Everybody be seated while I and my assistant investigate the scene and take your statements.
Detective Thomas steps out and comes back with anarchist holding a time bomb.
La Fleur: Inspector! Look at what I found near the hothouse! It’s a bomb with an anarchist!
Leica: You have nothing on me, you pig!
C-C: Quiet young lady sit down and we will take your statement. By the way, this is France. We are Les Flics! I will talk separately with the witnesses and start with the Madam’s boyfriend. My assistant Thomas will continue to search for clues.
A separate chair will be set aside from the group. The other suspects will sit as a group and chat with each other.
C-C: Name and occupation and what is your relation to the victim.
Ronaldo: I am called Ronaldo, but you may call me Roni. I am an abstract painter. I met Lady Shirley in one of my shows two years ago. We have just have been engaged and are planning to be married.
C-C: When did you last see the victim alive?
Ronaldo: Around 7:30. We were just chatting when Rajiv brought documents that we were to sign. They were in a plain brown envelope. She was giving me her power of attorney over her estate. Rajiv had just left and Nathy came with a cup of tea. I passed the envelope to her Ladyship and suggested that she sign it first. I asked to be excused to go to the bathroom and I left her alone but still alive in this chair.
C-C turns to the Banker.
C-C: Name, Occupation and relation to the victim.
Dickie: Dickie Swinton-Toadwart from the House of Angus and Jersey. I am her Ladyship's personal Investment Banker. I have been working with her for over ten years.
C-C: When was the last time you saw her Ladyship alive?
Dickie: Actually I arrived here by 7:00, as I brought documents for her Lady and her, umm, boyfriend to sign. It was a Power of Attorney for Lady Shirley's fiancé. It was sealed in a brown envelope. I gave the envelope to Rajiv and then I freshened up. I went to see her Ladyship at around 7:30, said hello, and stepped out.
C-C: This document, ahh, how was it sealed?
Dickie: Red wax imprinted with our company seal.
C-C: And then?
Dickie: I was mingling with the guests when I decided to look in on her Ladyship at 8:00 and it was closer to 8 quarter when I found her body and sounded the alarm.
C-C turns to the butler.
C-C: Name, occupation and relation to the deceased?
Rajiv: My name is Rajiv Singh. I am Her Ladyship's personal butler. I have been working with her Ladyship for over 20 years.
C-C: When did you last see her Ladyship alive?
Rajiv: Around 7:45, when I brought the Power of Attorney for them to sign. Dr. Espin was with me when I came in.
C-C: What did you do after Mr. Toad sounded the alarm?
Rajiv: Mr. Swinton-Toadwart sir. I called the police and let you, in sir.
C-C: that’s what I said. You are dismissed. Call in the maid.
C-C turns to the maid.
C-C: Name, occupation and relation to the deceased?
Nathalie: I am Nathalie Le Cour, her Ladyship’s personal Maid. You may call me Nathy (winking).
C-C: When did you last see her Ladyship alive?
Nathalie: Around 7:45, when I brought her Ladyship's tea. I then excused myself to go to the toilet. (Flirting with the detective). You, Monsieur, do you need to go to the toilet?
C-C: Er... call in the next suspect!
C-C wipes his face with his hanky and loosens his pants.
C-C turns to the niece.
C-C: Name, occupation and relation to the deceased?
Gabrielle: I am Gabrielle Montague, Gabby for short. I am her niece as my mother is her fourth cousin once removed then returned. Aunt Shirley is also my legal guardian. By the way did you know that while I am listed in her will but I have only the fourth largest share in her will? I think Rajiv, Gabby and the Dickie have larger shares. Lord knows I heard that Auntie was going to redo her will in favor of that ass Roni. Oh yes, dear Roni that boy can be a real Latin lover. He does Auntie for lunch, the maid for afternoon tea, and, ahem for dinner. Meanwhile he keeps tongues wagging with his partying and gambling. My bookie says that he needs to raise a lot of money fast.
C-C: Hm interesting, You have a bookie?
Gabrielle: Well I just love the horses specially those on the other side of the Atlantic.
C-C: Ah bookie I zee! And when did you last see her Ladyship alive?
Gabrielle: Around 7:45, when I peeked in the study to say hi to Auntie and Ronnie. I then excused myself to go to the toilet.
C-C: How many toilets are there anyway in this House? Bring in the next suspect!
C-C turns to the scientist
C-C: Name, occupation and relation to the deceased?
Espin: I am Dr. Espin and I am a biologist. Lady Shirley is a patroness of the sciences and she has been funding my studies of Amazonian flora and fauna. In return, I also supervise the hothouse and animal sanctuaries on the estate.
C-C: What kinds of plants and animals?
Espin: Well her Lady has a fondness for poisonous snakes and plants. Her private collection of cannibal plants is rather extensive.
C-C: Why is that?
Espin: Well, her Ladyship loves detective stories so she needs information on rare poisons for her novels. (Smiles stupidly.) Likewise she dreamed of being a spy for the Secret Service. She hoped that her research would be a ticket to her employment with MI-6.
C-C: When was the last time you saw her Lady.
Espin: I think it around 7:45, as I was with Rajiv when he brought something in a brown envelope to her in the library. I was going to say goodbye to Lady Shirley as I was leaving the next day. Lady Shirley was closing down my research facility. She was busy talking to Roni so I went back to the party.
C-C: Thank you. Thomas, bring in the bomber.
C-C: Your name is Leica Von Pal right?
Leica grunts in response.
C-C: The Bladder-Menthos gang right.
Leica grunts in response.
C-C: You were here to bomb the hothouse right?
Leica grunts in response.
C-C: I thought so. You weren’t wearing an evening dress.
Leica grunts in response.
C-C: Merde, I am not going to get any information out of you. Right?
Leica grunts in response.
C-C: Thomas, take her away.
Thomas leads Leica away.
C-C: Thomas, Could you please report on what have you found out in your investigation.
La Fleur: I have examined the victim and discovered that she is quite dead. The coroner informed me that she has died of causes unknown. Probably foul play is involved. I did not find any chicken in the room though.
We found that the victim may have had too much Amaretto before she died as she had almond breath. Moreover, we found an incision on her neck on an artery possibly from a stiletto or boning knife.
There was also a pot of tea on the table but the cup was empty. Likewise, we found a document in triplicate in her hand that she had not been able to completely sign. Oh yes, there were some slight discoloration on the fingers of her left hand.
C-C Shakes his head and looks at the crowd.
C-C: So I made a promise to my sister to take care of her son.
I wish to remind you all that there are prizes for those who guess right. Remember we will need the following right answers: Suspect, Motive and Method.
We will assemble the suspect in a little while and we shall start the process of elimination. The result of that elimination means that what is left is the right suspect. Naturally, left-right! Get it?
The Roundup
C-C: I can see that Anarchist is obviously the guilty one right. Thomas?
La Fleur: Yes Uncle!
C-C: You fool! she is not. Clearly, she is not dressed for the party. Black chic is so gauche. Besides you found her outside. Besides the bomb was not meant for Lady Shirley. Take my advice, girl. If you have to wear that beret change your name to Monica.
C-C: Dr. Espin, world-famous scientist. You were mad at Lady Shirley weren’t you for firing you right?
Espin: Yes.
C-C: You are an expert on poisons, aren’t you?
Espin: But I didn’t do it. I was saying goodbye because I have new job at the Secret Service. They are giving me a title, N! Why would I want to kill her?
C-C: Miss Gabby, you were angry at your aunt for turning control of the estate to her lover.
Gabrielle: but I didn’t kill her. I just peeked in at her and didn’t go in the room nor did I give her anything with poison from the door.
C-C: Nathy you were angry at Lady Shirley for writing you out of her will weren’t you?
Nathy: But Monsieur, I didn’t kill her. How could I? All I did was to bring her tea. She didn’t even touch it. Besides Monsieur I had to go to the toilet.
C-C: Monsieur Roni you wanted her dead didn’t you?
Ronaldo: No I didn’t. She was going to give me control of her money. I can’t kill her because she hadn’t done her will yet. I needed her alive so that the power of attorney was viable. Besides I didn’t poison her. I was with her the whole time. Likewise I had to go to the toilet too.
C-C: You have an alibi for this trip to the toilet?
Nathalie smiles.
Nathalie: Oui Monsieur!
C-C: Monsieur Toad it was you who poisoned Lady Shirley.
Banker: It’s Swinton-Toadwart. You twit. No, I didn’t poison her.
Rajiv: No, but you did stab her.
Banker: Rubbish!
Rajiv: You were always a fool with milady's Money. Who was the twit who suggested the American stock market in 1929? By the way, where’s the knife Madam used as a letter opener? Why did you sound the alarm after fifteen minutes when you found the body?
Banker: But I didn’t poison her. I just took a precaution to ensure the success of the original criminal. You did it, Rajiv! I gave you the envelope with a Red Seal. Roni here says that it was plain brown envelope.
Roni: That’s right.
Rajiv: Why would I want to kill her?
C-C: Yes you said Power of Attorney when it was sealed in a brown envelope with Wed Rax! How could you know what was in the envelope. Not to mention you gave to Roni first! Because you were planning to kill Roni!
Rajiv: It would have worked if the twit had signed it first, but Nooooo he had to give to Lady Shirley first!
C-C: Ah yes! Another case closed for moi! Thomas, take him away!
Thomas handcuffs him and leads Rajiv away. Rajiv starts to say something to the audience.
C-C: And don’t talk to the audience.
